Grant Award Announcement!

I am deeply grateful to announce I was awarded a 2018 Alexa Rose Foundation grant in the amount of $2,500 toward my proposed 8-day equine vision quest in Costa Rica, called "Journey into the Soul: Horses and the Medicine Wheel." The Foundation received 281 applications requesting over $1.0 million in grant funding. They ultimately granted awards to 67 local artists totaling $150,000. Wow, just wow. Thank you to everyone involved!

The mission of the Alexa Rose Foundation is to further the creative work of individual artists. In deciding what to propose for a grant award, I found the courage to ask for the thing that truly would propel me forward as an artist more than anything -- overcoming fear. The following is my full response to the questions in the application.

Who are you as an artist? What inspires you?

“Who I HAVE BEEN: I am a realist oil painter paying homage to sustainably grown foods, nostalgia and life in the West. I want viewers to feel present with my subject matter and believe it exists, like you could reach into the canvas and feel the texture of a bison or squeeze a lemon. I love making viewers giggle at my personified still life paintings with their irreverent titles. I paint landscapes to capture moments when nature enraptures us with a power that is otherwise fleeting.
Who I WANT TO BE: I want to create paintings that help people feel connected to all living things and remind them of their own greater purpose. Powerful artwork can ignite change, inspire and motivate. Creating such inspired art takes courage. One cannot feel hindered by fear. I want to overcome fear and create paintings inspired by my spiritual awakening. I know from divine inspiration that I have a role to bring people more hope and light through my paintings. See image 10, a new painting in progress.”

For what opportunity would you like to use this grant?

“I would attend an 8-day vision quest workshop called “Journey into the Soul: Horses and the Medicine Wheel” led by Rites of Passage (a company that leads vision quests) and Eponicity (leaders of equine-facilitated learning). It takes place at Lizards & Leaves Retreat near the Arenal Volcano in La Fortuna, Costa Rica. Activities are tailored to each participant to foster their individual learning process. From the Rites of Passage website: “The Medicine Wheel provides a framework for understanding ourselves within the cycles of life. Equine Facilitated Learning methods encourage us to look within ourselves to find balance, regain strength, renew spirit and rediscover our power...Together over the course of 8 days we will take a deep, profound, embodied, joyful and enlightening journey towards greater authenticity and self-awareness.” I will reconnect with the horse, my spirit guide. My photos, sketches and visions from this retreat will inform a new body of paintings upon my return.”

How will this opportunity make a difference in your creative practice and life as an artist?

“Last summer, struggling with anxiety and depression, I asked the Universe for guidance in a desperate prayer, “Please, send out angels to find my purpose in life and bring it back to me. I promise to accept it in whatever form it takes.” The Universe led me from one event, book or conversation to another, ultimately guiding me to a local spiritual shaman. I registered for her 10-month spiritual emergence program that began with a mindfulness retreat. The shaman led a meditation where I saw myself as a young girl riding bareback on a black horse, sprinting in a band of wild horses, invigorated. The little girl was free! I grew up with horses but have not ridden in years. In my awakening, I am receiving visions of paintings that involve children at play, sacred geometry, horses and spirit animals, mandalas and prayer beads. This opportunity with Rites of Passage will help me conquer my fear of abandoning safe subjects to create unbridled, inspired paintings. I believe this is my destiny.”

Dear Vincent, You are Still Relevant

Vincent van Gogh set an auction record in 1987 with the sale of his "Sunflowers" painting for $39.9 million at Christie's (read more here). In stark contrast, van Gogh supposedly only sold one painting during his lifetime.

I'm fascinated by the tremendous success some artists achieve posthumously, despite struggling financially during their lifetime. What did collectors not see during the artists' lives? Did the artists fail as marketers? Van Gogh made incredible paintings in his last two years of life, and I wonder if more financial success or popularity in those years would have saved him from his ultimate mental demise.

If I could write Vincent van Gogh a letter, I would tell him people care about his artwork--he is still relevant.

Relevance has to be one of my greatest motivators in art. Financial success aside, I want to know that my artwork feels relevant, that people care about what I create, that it has a place.

A wonderful man named Gregg purchased my painting of sunflowers this winter. Gregg shared the photo below with me, along with a thoughtful message about how much sunflowers mean to him, his wife, daughter and mother. The photo depicts his daughter in 1996 standing near his mother's sunflowers. Thank you, Gregg, for giving my painting a home.

#lovewins

I walked into Whole Foods to see what fruits or vegetables were in season for a still life painting and found figs, hard to come by in Boise. On my drive home, I saw a business billboard with the message "#lovewins" in plain view from a busy downtown connector to the freeway. I knew immediately what to paint with those figs.

Look at the reflection in the silver cup and you will see a sort of self portrait. Although I don't consider myself gay (no worries, Rob Richardson), I have many dear friends who do, and for whom I have deeply desired an equal chance to enjoy marriage the way I can. We are all equal as humans--all of us seek love, compassion and shelter. This painting symbolizes a reflection of my deep seeded support of social equality.

I want to turn traditional still life on its head to convey contemporary themes. I hope to first excite the visual senses with a beautifully rendered painting, an homage to the masters of the Dutch Golden Age. Then I want to startle, excite, provoke, or humor the viewer with the content. Whether or not you agree with my stance, I hope we can start a dialogue. 

A Subject Revisited 10 Years Later

View fullsize

"It isn't going to be easy; it's going to be worth it" | 14"x11" | oil on Gessobord panel | 2015

I declared visual art as a major at the University of Washington as a freshman so I could take a few collegiate level art classes and then drop the major and maintain focus on my journalism degree. Or so I thought. The amazing teacher of my figure drawing class, Helen O'Toole, pleaded with me to finish my art degree. She took me on a tour of her painting students' studios and inspired me to graduate with a double-major. The last course I took before graduating was intro to oil painting, and guess what? I fell in love with the medium. Alas, with a diploma in hand, I filed that love of painting into the recesses of my conditioned brain.

You see, my conditioned brain told me art was impractical as an academic study and would not result in a "successful" career, save for the very lucky few. I also heard this feedback from others. I had never met a working artist. And now I am one, not one of the lucky few, but one of many who eek out a humble living. I spent seven years working good-paying jobs primarily for software companies after college. One day, the suit of skin i zipped up every morning before heading to work felt too heavy to don.

When people are pushed to exchange their passion and their effort for the false solace of giving up and lowering their expectations, we all lose. --Seth Godin

I realized I was working someone else's job. The pain of neglecting my favorite talent--visual art--ran deep. It negatively affected my relationships and my confidence and compassion for myself. So I figured out how to return to the easel while working a steady part-time job for my father as a project manager (a fortunate experience in itself).

I posted these two paintings because they represent a milestone for me. The 2005 version of a bowl of oranges with one on the loose took place in the UW art building, my last painting as an undergraduate. I revisited the subject this year after returning to my studio from a leave to care for my first child, Olive.

Doubt kept rearing its ugly head causing me to again question art as a career choice. A funny thing happened. in the vein of finding inspiration in the oddest of places, I forced myself to take a spin class at the gym (the post-baby attempt to return to fitness), and the instructor said something that stuck with me: "I'm not telling you it's going to be easy; I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

A vision of a bowl of oranges appeared clearly in my otherwise sweaty head. One orange sat on the edge of a table, outside the bowl, outside its comfort zone, debating a leap of courage or a return to safety. I returned home, showered, zipped over to Whole Foods to buy a bag of oranges and then made this vision a reality in paint. (Okay, it took a few days and help from a nanny.)

Whenever doubt clouds my thoughts, I remind myself pursuing art as a career was never going to be easy. And then I think, wow, it is so very worth it.